Monarchs Glen

Welcome all new players to the New Player Protect-Inn!

I am Raknarak, owner of this hyar Inn and you're "Protection" until you feel acclimated enough to these hyar boards to go out on your own, and make Poppa Rakky proud!

You may be asking yourself how some big ol' smelly guy can be your protection. Well, to that...

*Beckons you closer*

Easy, this is my island of a message board. Yeah! Just because you don't see a fancy red text on my nametag don't mean nothin'! I don't bother with the fancy shmancy titles of my loyal "supporters".

Oh, and the internet? Mine too! I bought it for two cows and a handful of beans! Heckuva deal, doncha think?

Anyway, feel free to come in and look around. Drink and food are on the house, the tables are sturdy enough to dance on, and chairs soft enough to fall into!

*Guffaws loudly*

This here is your safe haven away from the vets! Come on in, chew the fat and just plain have fun.

If'n a vet is pickin' on you, just send me a message in private, and I'll take care of them for ya. You don' need the details of how 'n' why, but let's just say I gots a black belt in multiple forms of Takin' Care O' Tings. Whine-Fu, Jeet Kun Tattle, NinFlameSu and a really big bat. Poppa Rakky will take care of ya.

Unless of course you're an asshat...

Now, here in Monarch's... Monarchs''.... Here in the Glen, we haves us some unwritten rules. Pay close attention:

1. We don't talk about the Glen.

2. Don't harass Venus. Even if the vets are. They've done it for so long that she may soon 'splode and take out a kingdom or twenty in her mean greenness.

3. Atla will eat you. Run away.

4. Mess with Owly's head as much as you want.

5. Have fun! But don' be a small kid who's bouncing off the walls because he ate five sugar cookies laced with crack that was laced with speed that was dipped in pure caffeine.

6. There is no spoon.

7. Don't be afraid to ask questions about the game! That's what this forum is for!

8. Don't ask Poppa Rakky any questions, he just buils inns!

10. Jello is NOT food! It is for serious war, only!

5f. If you are bored, post something that has actual thought behin' it. "I LUVZ CH33Z. LOLOLOLOLZLOL5!!!!one!!!" is not acceptable. "I like cheese, and here are the types I love most and why" is a very good start.

D20. Postin' one word replies only works on rare occasions, like if'n you and a buddy have a good run on joke that at least two other communitity members are in on. Try to at least stretch posts into a longish sentence, it shows 'em that you actually care about the topic yer replyin' to, and not jus' droolin' on every thread in the forum.

Q. Try an' give us a description of what yer linkin'. Some of us are too lazy to click a link!

$. Poppa Rakky has a bad memory.


Now, from time t' time a vet may actually enter hyar to tell you stuff Poppa Rakky has fergotted. If they do that, shoot them with the Jello Cannon in the corner, yell, scream, kick your legs, and blow your whistles.

Ok... I'll be hyar, in my chair, if'n you have questions, ask away!

You forgot #11

Vox owns NPA ;p

The sun had set quite some time ago and it was well past that when the warrior finally came upon the friendly light and the old sound and smells she remembered fondly.

She drew in a deep breath and let out a heavy hearted sigh. Pulling the reigns quickly she brought her horse around and stopped for several moments while she admired the city once again. The welcomed silence only meant peace. Though it seemed as if the city was scarce, she hoped that meant those here were peacefully sleeping.

She leaned forward and whispered into her aged friend’s alerted ear…

“Well Shadow… what do you think? Shall we stop in for spirits or ride until sunrise?”

The old girl grunted lowly and lowered her head. Aura chuckled in return.

“That’s what I thought my friend. Let’s see what has become of our beloved Totan.”

*Stands up and hobbles over to the Jello cannon, and a previously unseen thing covered in a big red blanket*

Vox............ Jur got a lot of nerve comin' intur mah Inn and causin' such a ruckus. Do I need tur teach jur another lesson?

*Begins patting the cannon lovingly. Almost too lovingly*

6. There is no spoon.

What!!? Nooo Spooooons?
okokokok...sooo we still have sporks right? an'a baralounger?
I hope so.

(p.s. Vox, I dun care if it's been a'couple years on the icon, ya still lookin good be'be! *smirkles*)

*Finally able to tear his eyes away from the Jello Cannon, he looks over at Tara to to reply to her question. He stops, eyes her up and down and allows a a grin to appear that only a flasher could understand*

Why we shore do have sporks, an' bara... Barca... Whatever that thing is jur just said! Of course, there is always tur hot tub in tur back, if'n jur'd like me to show it to jur.

*He deftly wipes the drool from his chin and continues to leer*

For the love of all things holy, someone give me a drink! Cried out a frantic woman's voice amid a clutch of exhausted and completely frazzled looking men. As two of the gents scrambled over one another trying to be the first to the bar, Portia's littler slammed into the door frame.

OW! What in the name of... wait... who am I following these days? Was it Barnie or... oh crap I can't remember. That's not gonna go down well with whomever it is, I'm sure.

Wham!

One of you boys be a dear and go find out for me? I think Gunther should remember, he's really good with that sort of thing.

SLAM! The litter impacted the frame once more, obviously too large to fit inside despite the best efforts of the men carrying it.

Woah! Hey! OK guys!! I can get out and walk in, it's ok! Just stop hitting this thing on the door, you'll scratch the paint.

A tall woman emerged from behind the sheer curtains, revealing momentarily a bed of soft pillows, decadent looking trays of food and what appeared to be several empty bottles of various sizes and shapes. The woman staggered slightly, though it appeared more a result of being the master of her own direction after a long ride rather than any sort of intoxication. A single stumble and she was righting herself and peering around the inn with huge blue eyes. She smiled reminiscently and edged sideways as her eyes fell on the Jello cannon, clearly pleased to see it but equally intent to stay out of it's range.

So help me, anyone goes near that thing and one of you had better be ready to take the shot for me. I wanna see bodies in the air between me and that damn contraption. She muttered to several of the men nearest her.

A patron who had been quietly seated in the corner scampered forward with a parchment on which he's written Raknarak's unwritten rules. Portia thanked the man and began to read the list. As her finger trailed down the parchment, she began to babble questions aloud, not really waiting for any answer before she started another.

Venus? You mean she hasn't exploded and taken out the better half of Tonan yet? Wow, she's got some patience, she has.

Alta's eating people? Now THAT's not a shocker. Knew it would happen some day, it was just a matter of time. Or did he mean in a metaphorical sense? Egh, either way....

Criminey, they want actual thought to go into posts? I'm so screwed!

Ok, so I get that there is no spoon, but does that mean we can't spoon? Cus if there's not a spoon and say I spoon Nagash, would I cease to exist? Cus I need to know that sort of thing before I risk it. Granted a Nagash snuggle would be worth risking oblivion, but I like being alive, damnit!

Finally she turned to Raknarak.

How much did V have to pay ya to try to keep people off her back? Is it actually working or has she come after you for mentioning her and drawing attention to her? If it is working, can I get a cut of that action? Maybe something about staying outta my roller-bar if'n ya know what's goof fer ya?

Before Raknarak can even respond however, Portia's eyes have traveled past him to take in the other woman standing nearby: Tara.

WENCHIE! Is that you? Oooooo, how faboo! How are you doing, hon?

*He grunted as his attention got tore away from Tara to the mob of strange men at the door. They seemed quite ready to bring some sort of contraption in, whether or not the wall withstood there attempts was something Rak was getting ready to start taking bets on. But, just as he whipped out his tally..... sheet, a woman's voice came out, issuing orders. His curiousity started to grow, but he was clearly overwhelmed by TWO women at the inn. He knew he had to act swiftly.*

*As Portia made her way out of the litter, Rak deftly pulled an empty mug from a nearby table and put it close to his face. To the untrained eye, he was drinking mead. To the trained eye, they would want to poke themselves out, as they would clearly see he was drooling uncontrollably.*

*Portie walked up, reading the unwritten rules and asking questions. Mostly Rak sounded like this:*

Well...

Metawha?

Uh, he...

Nag....

I, she, we.... Roller-bar?

*Then, he was hit by what seemed to be a whole herd of horse's hooves. She screamed something to someone. Rak would have liked to have looked to see what the fuss was about, but he was too busy passing out from the scream that had emanated within a foot of his one good ear. As the blackness enclosed him and his legs buckled, a final thought entered his brain*

I hope my drool cup doesn't spill on her pretty clothes.

How do island NPPs get their ratings?

I remember many years ago when I was just a new recruit being told that the island bots' ratings are based on the population that lives on the island. So if an island had disproportionately high skilled swordfighters living there the bots would be rated high (and fight at that skill level). I don't know if that is/was actually true.

Over time it seemed that all the island bots lost their ratings. For a long time it became rare to find a bot that was rated above Able in anything. I don't know why that is.

Recently (within the last couple weeks) island bot ratings have shot up, and it seems most of them have at least one Ultimate. After looking at just a few islands several have all Ults. Does anyone know exactly when this changed, or why it changed?

I've done a few swordfights against these so-called Ultimate swordfighting bots, and I have to say, they aren't even close to Ultimate. They suck. I fought lazily against them and won handily. They hardly send any attacks and seem to fall on their swords after I send just a few small ones. Is anyone else experiencing this too? Are the bots' ratings inaccurate?

Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

This is all on Midnight. I don't know what the deal is on other oceans.