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 RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP) 
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Someone needs to keep this show on the road. Here goes.

IC:
Porckie had looked on in amazement as the plumber-fellow had bared his instruments and had proceeded to submerge in the toilet. The plumber had thrown Nagash some sort of pipe and had requested the daemon to do some sort of oral feat. A hopeless mission, Porckie knew from prior experience.

The dwarf had remembered the instruction the plumber had given him though! If the rope were pulled once, the plumber would climb up himself; pulled twice, something had gone amiss and Porckie was required to pull the rope. Just as he was rounding his lips repetitively, as a means of gesturing Nagash to start blowing the plumber's pipe, he saw the poo-level lower somewhat. Suddenly, he felt the rope being pulled twice...

"Oh Naggie! Much too slow,
His pipe, why did you not blow?
Poor Joe down below."


Haikuing his discontent with the demobilized daemon, Porckie started to pull up the rope, hoping to save the plumber from a faith worse than yoghurt: suffocating in daemonic doodoo.

*PLOP*

Much to Porckie's surprise, there was no plumber on the other end of the line, but a bundle of foul stenching goo. Amidst the dungy debris, he suddenly discerned his beard! Forgetting all about Joe, Porckie recovered his beard and, despite the presence of pieces of chickenliver and the remains of strawberries, started to stroke it lovingly.

"I want to get that thing on my face again, instantly! My chin feels so chilly!"

Porckie tried getting the beard back in its original place but failed time and time again, as the facial hair simply refused to stick on. After going into ponder-mode, Porckie soon found a solution to his problem, he would create something sticky!

" Away you go, master Naggie-poo! It is Porckie's private petting period, I will get this beard to stick on again, yes sirree!"

With that, Porckie pushed the daemon, who was still holding Joe's blowtube, out of the loo and locked the door from the inside.

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Nuff said.


Tue Nov 04, 2008 6:15 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Soooo....here is your reward for not RPing in this thread this week, master Naggie-poo. Enjoy :P

IC:

The dwarf took a stroke down memorylane, as images of a long forgotten past flashed before his eyes...

"Ooo...."

...images dating back era's, forever vivid in his imagination...

"Ooo...Isonia...ooo"

...rushing away on this rollercoaster of reminiscences, the dwarven mind started to intertwine past and present...

"Ooo..hello Angie...what? You go Tag team? What's this? ....oooOOOO!"

Seconds after the meltingpot of memories reached its vile climax, Porckie felt the touch of cold metal on his bare bottom. The dwarf shreeked and jumped away from the toilet, quickly readjusting his trousers and hiding his slightly drenched beard behind his back.

Much to the dwarf's surprise, a shimmery silhouette of a duck rose from the toilet. Tied around its wings, Porckie saw the reason for the tingly feel of his bottom: big metal chains. With a loud booming voice, the ghost began to speak...


"Quack!! I am the ghost of Dook McCoot! These shackles which torment me so, were formed with the lead pellets used to kill me and my fellow ducklings. We have come to avenge the bearded bastage responsible for our doughy demise! Quack!"

Porckie gulped and ran his fingers along the humid hairpiece he was hiding behind his back...

"A bearded bastage you say, let me see if he's in!"

With that, Porckie unlocked the toilet and ran out, into the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse. There, he noticed that Nagash had hardly moved since the dwarf had pushed him out of the toilet. Thinking quickly, Porckie pressed his clammy beard to the daemon's face, which, thankfully, had the desired effect of making the beard stick to the daemon's chin. Cheering inwardly, Porckie jumped under a table and anxiously awaited the awful advent of the aquatice apparition...

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Nuff said.


Sat Nov 08, 2008 2:51 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Well, as no one has saved me, I'll save myself!

Toph grunted and shoved, and Methusalai flew off of him with a pop. Blinking in the bright light, Toph watched as Methusalai flew towards the alehouse. The demoness was oddly light, and kept flying, arcing over the lake and into the alehouse through the window, which shattered dramatically. Toph heard a quiet screech and 'ooof!' coming out from the alehouse, and started jogging towards the inn to see what mischief he had occured.

Oh dear.

Toph's last suggestion had apparently been followed, as the demoness was now wrapped around Nagash in a very... interesting fashion. Toph saw Porckie race towards a table, and as Methusalai started to recover from her flight, he figured that hiding would be a good idea and followed Porckie.

"so... what are you doing down here?" Toph whispered as he peeked out into the room to see what was going to happen next...

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~OAFS' Resident Sidhe Mage~
The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Sat Nov 08, 2008 5:57 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Ack, lost track of the thread as it moved forums…and now look what happened! ^_^



Arching an eyebrow and looking into the toilet, Nagash folded his arms in front of his chest and spun on his heels.

" I am not blowing his hose! In fact, I’m going to see if I can find something to drink at the bar. "

He lingered for a short while, until Porckie decided that it was time his ‘private petting period’. Knowing what this implied, he made to get out of the cramped room as Porckie pushed him outside forcefully. He then realized that he still held the plumber’s tube, which through the force by with Nagash had been removed from the toilet had been pulled free of the toilet and therewith presumably from Joe. His heartfelt sympathy went out to the plumber, but there was no way that he’d go back in there until Porckie would ‘finish his business’ in there.

The business finished sooner than anticipated though. Apparently Porckie was a ‘minute man’, for triumphantly the door swung open and the dwarf emerged and pushed the soiled beard in his face. Out of sheer horror he dropped the tube and tried to pull the beard loose, but Porckie’s gooey gluey stuff was the stickiest stuff since Topheh had come up with a binding spell which was slightly flawed. That meant that there was but one thing left to do for Nagash: run around in circles.
Usually he’d do this whilst frantically flailing his arms around. But now he’d tug at the beard with full force until at came off. He knocked over just about every piece of furniture while doing this, and he also run into Methusalai who was once again pushed into poor Toph. Nagash did not notice any of this though, for he was busy running around and, more importantly, the beard had partially come off.
As he had one half off, he stopped running around and took hold of the remaining part with both hands. He pulled with full force, but alas: the sticky stuff was too sticky. The loose part of the beard was ripped off the other half, which did not budge. He threw the loose half aside, into the general direction of Toph and Methusalai.
He then noticed an ethereal duck. Spirits usually knew a trick or two, so he approached it.

" Mister Duckspiritperson, forgive me for eating you yesterday! You were dead already though, so I didn’t think you’d mind.
I need your help though! I need to get this disgusting patch of hair off my face! The beard from the bog, it will not budge! Rid me of them and I won’t eat duck anymore! For at least three days! "


He realised that he had been shouting at the top of his voice, but he had heard of a Pee-King Duck which knew all sorts of awesome tricks. He hoped that this was one of those, and did a silly dance on the spot to impress the spirit.

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Mon Nov 10, 2008 4:26 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"Quack!! I am the ghost of Dook McCoot! These shackles which torment me so, were formed with the lead pellets used to kill me and my fellow ducklings. We have come to avenge the bearded bastage responsible for our doughy demise! Quack!"

The ghost of Dook McCoot came out of the toilet and entered the Alehouse. Dragging along his metal chains, the poultygeist quickly reminiscenced on the recent events. Only three hours ago he had happily been eating the breadcrumbs, bestowed by the bearded persona. The breadcrumbs had been filled with lead pellets and had caused Dook McCoot to die a horrible death. When his spirit had left his body, it found that it was trapped inside daemonic intestines. What's more, he found that the lead pellets had been shaped into metallic chains. From these chains, he learned, he could only be freed by taking revenge on the bearded bastage responsible for killing him and his fellow fowl.

Having been released from the daemonic bowels, Dook McCoot had immediately spotted the beard in the bog. Recognising the facial hair fully well, Dook McCoot had vanguished some of his aparitional anger on the bald fellow who tried to pull the beard out. Dook grinned, simply removing the jellyfish from the plumber's mouth and tickling the man under his armpit had been quite enough...

As the beard was pulled from the loo, the poultrygeist had followed suit, only to find a beardless dwarf ejaculating all over the haunted hairpiece. On seeing the aquatic apparition, the dwarf had skedaddled into the alehouse.

On entering the alehouse himself, Dook McCoot looked around for the owner of the beard. To his spiritual surprise, the beard had been divided in two and was now clinging on the faces of two daemons. One was young and dancing and screaming, while the other appeared to be cuddling up to a yellowy elflike person, underneath a table. Ignoring the screams of the younger one, Dook McCoot approached the older, purple-skinned daemoness. By lifting his left wing, he magically caused the table to float in mid-air, exposing an unlikely threesome: the beardless buggering dwarf, a yellowy elf-like person and a daemoness, wrapt in purple wrinkles. Mumbling ominously, the ghost of Dook McCoot twisted his left wing and pointed at Methusalai.

" Yes! I have appeared,
To place a curse upon that beard!
My wrath will first turn to you, old bat,
As of now you will turn into a cat!"


With that, Methusalai was changed into a purring pussycat. The ghost of Dook McCoot howled and let the table drop on the floor. The loud bang obviously scared the pussy, which immediatly clawed away at Toph's tunic.


Wed Nov 12, 2008 6:47 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Oh no you dont! Anchient demon-face goes to play with someone else now!

Toph watched in horror as Nagash ran into Methusalai and shoved her back towards him and Porckie, who were both hiding under the same table. Thinking fast, and not at all wanting anything more to do with demonesses and cookie jars, Toph did the honorable thing and shoved Porckie at the approaching demoness while skittering backwards like an oversized crab towards the bar and, he hoped, relative safety. However, before he could even get out from under the table, and just as the first "OOOMPH" sounded from Methusalai and Porckie, the table flew into the air!

For a moment, Toph thought *he* might have had something to do with this occurance... perhaps another diversion that his subconcious had decided needed to occur to throw the demoness of his trail... It had been said that moving furniture was irresistible to the aged demon crowd... something about wood grains really made them excited or something...

But it was then that Toph saw the floating form of a duck hovering in the center of the room and chanting some sort of spell. Toph instinctively prepared a few wards for himself, but the magic was not meant for him. In the blink of an eye, Methusalai was transformed into a cat and the table, which had been floating pleasantly over both of their heads, came crashing back down, causing the newly-made cat to fly towards Toph's face with the clear intention of clawing his eyebrows out.

Thinking quickly, Toph grabbed the cat as it jumped and stuffed it into the demonesses' cookie jar, which had been left sitting unattended when the demoness had been transformed.

Now... would be a good time to get to the bar, he thought to himself, and started scuttling again.

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The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Sun Nov 16, 2008 4:57 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Porckie frantically looked about himself, everything was happening so fast! One moment he was hiding under a table from a ducklike ghost from the latrine, the next moment all was in disarray: the table had been smashed on the floor, Methusalai had been turned into a kitty and subsequently locked inside a cookie jar and now the aquatic apparition was approaching Nagash, who still had one half of the beard clinging to his face. Porckie saw the poultrygeist raising one of its wings and saw that, in doing so, it had lifted a chair in the air. Porckie sighed in relief, the ducklike ghost would act out his vengance on the chair; that would be okay, Porckie didn't like the chair anyway, it always moaned and creaked. But then Porckie raised his eyebrows as he unravelled Dook McCoot's true intention: the ghost would hurl the chair at Naggie-poo!

"Naggie-poo, DUCK!!"

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Nuff said.


Tue Nov 18, 2008 5:33 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Things seemed to be going his way, even if the Pee-King Duck had not been paying attention to his speech, which he thought was quite impressive and persuading nonetheless. Toph was making out with his grandma again and passed her on to Porckie though. This kind of obscene threesomes were something his grandma might enjoy, but Nagash would not have anything of it. He averted his eyes and turned to the bar. Behind the bar were some bottles which contained very strong spirits. This gave him a bright idea, and he made his way towards the bar just as Porckie screamed:

"Naggie-poo, DUCK!!"

He arched an eyebrow and wondered whether Porckie could be any more obvious. Nagash had already spoken with – or rather: at – the duck in question and did not need a reminder that the Poultrygeist existed.

“I know! Keep the Pee-King Duck occupied for me, will you? I must get this scruff off my face.”, he replied without turning around to see what exactly Porckie meant. A mere moment later, it hit him on the back of his head and sent him flying over the bar.

“Ooooh, shiny staws!! Pwetty shiny staws… Bwightwy shiny staws…Shiny like my hiney…”, he mumbled before regaining his wits and bumping his head against the bar when standing up. He cursed and stood up, biting back the excruciating pain which was assaulting the nerves in his head from two sides now.

He picked up a big blackened bottle. The label gave a fair indication of the contents. In beautiful handwriting it said: “Holy Hepar!”, then in smaller letters: “666% alcohol (magically enhanced), liver failure guarantee”. He grinned and uncorked the bottle. Angry-looking fumes escaped from the bottle as Nagash tilted his head, beard side up. He then poured the entire content of the bottle over the beard.

”Nooooooo! It burns!!”

He cringed and sank to his knees, screaming. But when the pain had subsided and he wiped the tears from his eyes, he saw that the sacrifice had not been in vain: on the filthy floor lay the scorched and shriveled remnants of Porckie’s beard. He started laughing maniacally and stood up, only to find himself eye-to-eye with the Pee-King Duck.

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Tue Nov 18, 2008 6:27 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Bye Dook, Bye Methusalai, Bye Joe; time for new storylines people!

Dook McCoot raised one of his shimerry eyebrows: this daemon had proven to be quite robust. The chair, which had been smashed to pieces on the back of the daemon's head did manage to push him over the bar, but the daemon had quickly rose to his feet and, somehow, got rid of the incriminating beard.

"Quack! You dastardly distributor of deadly dough! I see through your disguise!"

Convinced that Nagash was the actual owner of the beard, which had now mysteriously disappeared, Dook held the daemon responsible for throwing the lead pellets in the pond. Anger flared in his eyes, as he lurched for the daemon, shaping his wings to fists and flying straight for the daemon's head.

Perhaps it was due to Dook's sudden attack, but the daemon did not seem to be moved by the ghostly duck flying straight at him. As Dook came nearer, he noticed the daemon still did not show any signs of fear: he was not even holding his breath from suspense! In fact, Dook soon noticed that the daemon was still fairly able to inhale, as he felt his essence being sucked into the daemon's nostril.

"Quack! What is this!?!?"

Suddenly, Dook McCoot had a flashback: he had seen this uvula before, he knew that epiglottis! Yes, he remembered this oozing oesophagus all too well! Dook McCoot's ghost had entered the soul-eating daemon's digestion system once more!

Quack! Back again I see, Dook!"

Dook looked around inside Nagash's stomach and saw the ghosts of his duckling friends standing around him, looking quite dissatisfied (for ducks at least).


Thu Nov 20, 2008 5:38 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Long moments passed before Toph decided that it might be safe to poke his head above the edge of the bar... the Alehouse was in shambles, tables knocked over, chairs smashed and dwarf beard-hair everywhere, clinging greasily to everything in sight. Toph gave an involuntary shudder... that stuff was disgusting!

But it belonged on Porckie, who was sitting with a stunned look on his face. Toph whispered a word and felt his Art rising up within him. Like the brush of fingertips, a fine wind swept through the room, meant to pick up all the hair... but no hair came along. Frowning, Toph concentrated a little harder, and said the word a little louder. Like a gentle massage, the wind worked its way around the room... but no hair came along. Toph muttered fitfully to himself, and reaching deeper within his being, said the word in a loud, clear voice. The wind returned, pushing through the alehouse like a momentary storm, ripping the hairs from where they were stuck and coalescing them all together in the center of the room. When they were gathered, Toph pointed towards Porckie and the hairs went to their rightful owner, and soon Porckie's beard was back to its old self.

Walking over to Porckie, Toph helped the dwarf to his feet, and grabbed the cookie jar, which was shaking violently. He marched over to Nagash and presented him with the jar.

"Your Grandmother, Nagash... You can best decide what to do with her now."

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~OAFS' Resident Sidhe Mage~
The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Sat Nov 22, 2008 3:03 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"It gone!"

Porckie cheered and slapped his thighs. The aquatic apparition had disappeared down Nagash' sizely nose and this meant that there would be no flying furninture in the near future, at least as long as the daemon would stay clear of the toilet. Just as the dwarf started rubbing his chin and pondered about the possible ways of constipating a daemon, Toph started to mutter and breath heavily. The dwarf knew what this meant: soon he or Nagash would change into some sort of vegetable, or worse, a female sidhe!

Porckie stopped moving about and looked for a way out. But then he noticed that something was making the cattered remains of his beard float off the floor. Casting Toph a thankful glance, Porckie saw through the elflike creature's intent. Seconds later, his chin was covered in facial fur once more!


"It back! Hurray grandmaster Topheh!"

Just as the dwarf raised his arms and approached the sidhe for a big hug, there was a loud knock on the door...

*BOINK*

There it was. Porckie turned around and threw open the door. To his surprise, he couldn't see anyone. Porckie shrugged his shoulders and closed the door again. He once more raised his arms in the air and ran for the sidhe in order to show his gratitude, when...

*BOINK*

Another knock on the door. The dwarf, who had just about reached the sidhe, sighed and turned around again. he swung open the door and stuck out his head. Again, there was no one to be seen. Porckie grumbled and closed the door with a loud bang. the dwarf approached the bar and just as he was about to throw his arms around Toph's neck, there was another *BOINK* on the door. Porckie swirled back and shreekdd on the top of his longs...

"HELLOOO!!!??"

Again, there was no one to be seen. But suddenly, Porckie heard a soft buzzing noise near his left ear...

" Buzz...we are looking for the big banana."

Porckie rubbed his eyes and suddenly noticed he was looked in the eyes by a little floating insect...

" Buzz...we have seen the big banana go in here...."

Porckie noticed how the small insect was now looking over his shoulder into the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse...

" Banana? There's no big bana- Wooha!!!"

As if he was thrown aside by a sudden gust of wind, Porckie toppled backwards as a big flock of fruitflies bumped him aside and entered the alehouse. After porckie had regained his composure, he noticed that the flies were presently circling around Toph's head...

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Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:00 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Murfle the horse riding Mounty straightened his red unfirom and firmly placed his hat on his head. Taking a deep breath, Murfle leapt over the threshold of the Arousing Anglers' Alehouse.
Upon entering, he noticed a yellowy elflike creature sitting at the bar and being attacked by fruitflies. Bumping his head against the sidhe's backside, Murfle muttered:

"Do you need a flyswatter, sir?"

After adressing the harassed yellow elflike person, Murfle raised himself to stand on his hindlegs and helped himself to his bagpack. After rummaging through it a while, he retrieved a pink flyswatter and handed this to the sidhe.


Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:55 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"what? Erk! Pleurgh!" Toph spluttered, coughing and hacking in the swarm of tiny flies that was surrounding his head. The Sidhe flailed at the flies with his hands, but nothing really worked... the flies came back instantly, singing their little song:


"Fly Flies Fly!
To the banana we Fly!
Fly Flies Fly!
All Hail ye, Banana Divine!"


Banana divine? What in the blazes were these stupid flies talking about? He certainly didnt look like a banana. At least he didnt think so.

Toph tried to look down at himself, but all he could see was his nose before the black swarm blotted out the rest of his vision.

"Oh no..." He muttered to himself. He clearly had run into some very confused flies. Toph's glance at his nose had reminded him of something very relevant. A Sidhe's physical appearance wasnt changed all that much by the passing of the years... Toph had looked in his early thirties now for many centuries. What *did* change was a slight, oh so imperceptible change to their skin color, turning slightly yellowish in tinge as the millenia wore on. Azrael, one of the oldest of their kind, had become very yellow-skinned before he had dissapeared... but Toph's yellowing was barely even noticeable in perfect conditions, much less here in an alehouse! These fruitflies were... way off course.

"o --- eed --- swa--er --r?" Toph heard someone say in the nearby vicinity. Toph had no idea what in the world the person meant... the din of the flies was far too loud.

Toph closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. This was no time to do foolish things... it was time for magic.

Again, the wind rose, and a sustained wind began blowing, pushing the fruitflies away from Toph's face and towards one of the windows. Finally, his vision cleared, and Toph could breathe again without swallowing flies... a much needed improvment.

Although, by the look of things, it would be a shortlived one. The flies had rallied and were pushing back through the wind in a black swarming arrow.

"I AM NOT A BANANA!" Toph shouted at the flies.

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Sun Dec 07, 2008 4:01 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
One moment, Porckie had been toppled over by a bunch of fruitflies intent on sucking the life out of Toph, the next he was nearly trampled by some sort of horse. Porckie scratched his head and took a close look at the new arrival: whoever it was, was wearing a red unfirom of some sort and a silly hat. He would fit right in, Porckie thought, the horse is a bit too much though!

Whilst Toph was fending off the fruitflies by conjuring op whirlwinds, Porckie approached the newcomer, who was still holding the pink fly swatter. The dwarf pulled the man's trouserleg...


" Hello to you! you must be new! Do introduce yourself! Oo...I almost forgot: no pets allowed."

With that, Porckie pointed at the horse, which was presently doing a number two on the floor.


Mon Dec 08, 2008 5:26 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
The dwarf looked expectantly at the mounted person in its red uniform. The mounted man remained silent and the horse continued befouling the floor and Porckie started thumping his feet. It must be the hat, he thought, must be covering his ears.

"Well...we don't want any deaf people around here! What's more, your steed seems to think this is a public lavy."

The dwarf pulled his beard and thought of ways to get the newly arived, yet awkwardly silent, mounty to go away from the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse. He ran his eyes across the room, past the chairs and table, past the hatrack with the funny yellow hats, past the bar, at which Toph the sidhe was battling fruitflies, along the hall down to the toilet, where Nagash stood, still holding the jar containing his grandmother. Then his eyes rested upon one of the fidhing rods in the corner. It was then that he remembered one of his teacher Dauthi's ancient maxims: "If you are in need of a cattle prod, why not use a fishing rod?"

"Hurray! Thank you master D!"

Porckie picked up the fishing rod and walked towards the horse. One well aimed blow had the horse bolting and then gallopping through the front door, with a clear red marking of the lash between its hindlegs, just below the tail. Thankfully, botht he horse and its rider managed to get out of the alehouse without breaking any more furniture.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Porckie turned to the bar and walked towards Toph, who was still fending off fruitflies. Porckie smiled...

"Sooo...Topheh...I always thought your 'hue' would get you into trouble, I bet its from all that corn you keep eating! Next time I'm going to the beach, I am taking you with me to get you nice and tanned!"

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Nuff said.


Tue Dec 30, 2008 5:21 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"Flambe!"

Toph shouted the word and the fruitflies near his head burst into flames, the ones further away shouting at their comrades to flee into the night, calling to each other about the terrifyingly powerful banana. Toph coughed and patted at his hair to make sure it wasnt on fire, then turned to Porckie.

"Suntan? I... dont suntan, Porckie... I only burn. Its highly unfortunate, but... WHATS THAT???"

Toph exlaimed in surprise as a dark shape flew through the window and crashed into a table before skidding into a corner behind some chairs.

"Porckie, come with me!"

Toph grabbed Porckie's arm and made his way over to the corner...

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Wed Dec 31, 2008 5:59 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Porckie stared at the little heaps of ash scattered on the floor...

"And there I was, expecting fire flies to come out of your little 'sorcery experiment'...Righto, skip, tally hobo, me lad! Err.. I mean master Toph, Grandmaster of Tophness, Tweedler of Tophtats, mister Tophtastic!"

*Woosh*

A sudden chill caused the hair in Porckie's neck to twinge. A dark presence suddenly entered the alehouse...and it hadn't used the door. Funnily enough, his first reaction was the exact opposite of what Toph had in mind.

"Porckie, come with me!"

Dragged along by the sidhe, the dwarf was propelled towards the corner...

"Oh must we, Topheh? I mean, it is lurking in a corner...at best, that means it has been a naughty boy!"

They closed in on the dark shape, but Porckie still couldn't make out any of its features. When they came closer, the dark shape suddenly moved again, so swift that Porckie still couldn't see what it was. Porckie sighed in relief, as he saw the dark shape 'land' in another corner. That sigh of relief turned into a gasp of despair, as Toph, obviously quite motivated, tried to follow the dark shape towards that other corner. Again, as the duo approached, the dark shape moved to another corner. This scene repated itself untill they had ran around the alehouse at least four times.

"Pff..pff..Toph..lets be sensible about this. Lets both approach this dark shapey-thing from one side and, on the count of three, we jump!"

Porckie nodded at the sidhe and approached the dark shape from another direction...

"1...2....3!!"

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Fri Jan 02, 2009 5:59 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Toph jumped. Porckie did not. The shape moved, and Toph was left with a large bruise on his head from where he had just slammed against a table leg. Toph pulled himself to his feet and glared at Porckie.

"Porckie! Be a Dwarf to make your Dwarven fathers proud... lets catch this thing!"

Holding his head, Toph made his way to the next corner of the room, dragging Porckie along behind him.

"Okay, you stand right here." Toph placed Porckie in a choke point between two tables, and went around to approach the shape from another direction. The shape tried to escape, but saw that Porckie was in the way, so instead, it tried to dart between Toph's legs, probably assuming that a moving person would be less prepared. Its mistake! Toph reached down and grabbed the shape, coming up with... a bug?

"Unhand me, you lout!" came a high,reedy voice. Toph spent a moment eying his catch... it was a fairly large bug, with black wings and a black body and... Toph blinked as he noticed that the bug had a strip of black cloth with eyeholes placed over his eyes. What an odd insect.

"Who are you? And why are you breaking our windows?"

"I am Chiorro the Great Cicadia of DOOM! I have come to steal your wine and ale! And now that you two are so close..." Toph noticed at this point that Porckie had come up behind him to peer quizzically at the bug... "FEEL MY WRATH!"

Upon the last word, a painful screeching sound filled the room, and Toph dropped Chiorro to cover his ears and attempt, in vain, to block out the sound. Chiorro, meanwhile, began making his way happily towards the bar...

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Sat Jan 03, 2009 1:07 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Nagash had slumped into a corner, not exactly knowing what to do with the cookie jar or his grandma, which now contained the pussycat Methusalai. All the idiocy with the fruitflies went by without him even noticing as he just sat there and wondered what in the Nine Hells to do with the jar and – more importantly – Methusalai. He thought in silence first, then pounded the side of his head with his fist, mumbling "Think, think, think”, and then in silence a bit more. Yet he couldn’t decide between making a stew of her or setting her free. The stew would be rather foul tasting because of her old age, but setting her free might mean that she would come back, and he didn’t want that to happen either.

In his indecisiveness, he decided to ask Topheh and Porckie for their advice. So he stood up and went to approach them. However, Tophers dived towards a wall while Porckie merely stood by, watching. When Tophums rose again, he was holding a bug. Probably his latest pet, some enchanted heathen roach or something. Nagash shook his head and asked for their attention. His words were drowned in a sea of noise though. As Toph dropped the bug and covered his ears with his hands, Nagash grimaced. He did not like it when people screamed. If he was hung over, it usually put him in a homicidal rage. Fortunately for the bug, he was not hung over now, so he was merely annoyed by the torture of his eardrums.

Suddenly it struck him. He knew what to do with his grandmother! It would strike the point home in a quite literal sense and it would also stop the noise, hopefully. He screamed at the top of his voice:

“ Eat pussy, bugface! "

He then threw the cookie jar with all his demonic might at the bug. Upon impact, the jar shattered and the noise ceased. However, that splatting sound he was hoping for didn’t come. There just was a shatter, some meowing and the sound of Methusalai the pussycat running away from the alehouse. The bug just sat there, unflinching (for as far as Nagash could see, the hood mostly blocked any facial buggy features), between the remains of the ancient cookie jar.

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Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:09 am
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
The cicadia's chirping swobbled the dwarf's brains quite about. As his membranes were dancing the tango and his cerebellum got its groove on, Porckie witnessed Nagash's failed attempt at pelting pussy at the bug. The dwarf shook his head under this auditory agony and started rubbing his beard.

"What to do, what to do, think think!"

A few well-aimed hits at his own head stopped the dancing atmosphere in his dorsal faculties...

"Cicadia...cicadia...cicadia...CICADIA!!"

Porckie snapped his fingers and threw his arms in the air in a celebratory act, only to swiftly return them to his ears, to prevent his brains from swooning off again. Quickly, he glanced across the walls of the alehouse. His eyes passed various souvenirs of war: a packet of yoghurt, an inflated sardine, a set of victory melons and several hunting trophies. The latter caught his interest and, as he surveyed the collection of frozen fish, wrinkled rodents and smooched smurkles, two big, pointy antlers caught his eye.

"Hm. That'll do!"

Porckie, still holding his hands to his ears, ran for the antlers and headbumped them off their nail. Swabbling it with his feet a bit, the dwarf took aim and then struck the antlers with his foot, sending it swirling at the chirping cicadia.

"Wooooo!"

The airborne antlers caught the bug by surprise and by its antennae, sending it flying through the air with the antlers. The chirping immediatly seized as the bug's antennae were pinned to the wall, held firmly in place by the horn-like appendages. Triumphantly, Porckie approached the bug and chirped.

"Never underestimate the power of homophonic humour! Oh. and my ability to not pronounce my R's!"

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Nuff said.


Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:11 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"AAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!" Toph shouted, rolling this way and that in a vain attempt to get away from the horrible, horrible noise that bore into his skull and prevented any but the most basic of thoughts from being processed. At the moment, that basic thought was "GET AWAY," and Toph was doing his best to oblige. Other thoughts, such as 'how to walk' or even 'how to crawl' were NOT basic enough for Toph's brain to handle, so he was reduced to rolling back and forth, a tactic that may have worked had he not been wedged between the wall and a table. Each roll just resulted in him hitting one or the other and reversing course. While this was happening, Toph was aware that he was shooting off tiny spurts of magic, his Art escaping his control and manifesting itself however possible. Had Toph been able to open his eyes, he would have been treated to a small fireworks show going on above his body... sadly, he could not enjoy it.

Suddenly, Miraculously, Unexpectedly, the horrid screeching noise stopped, and the mind-dam that had been holding back all the commands Toph had been trying to give his body all came rushing through at once. Toph leaped up and ran for the door, getting halfway there before his rational mind was able to reassert control and stop him. Toph turned around to see Porckie beaming at his brilliance and Chiorro pinned to the wall by... antlers? Brilliance. Toph walked over to the bug and stood before it.

"Ah. Hello there." Chiorro said uncomfortably... "It would appear that you've managed to best me... so... can I go now?"

Toph looked askance at the bug. "Let you go? Why would we let you go? That doesnt seem to make sense to me. Does it make sense to you, Porckie?"

"ah... haha... err, ah... funny. Come on, let me go. I promise to leave peacefully."

"After nearly bursting our eardrums... Im a little hesitant to believe you... why dont you tell me why you were after our wines.

"You have stolen your wines! I was here to give them back to those who they were stolen from."

"We stole... the wine? Toph looked confused. "Who stole them?

"The DWARF."

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Mon Feb 09, 2009 2:22 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"Yes. This DWARF stole the 'wines' upon which this alehouse runs and let me tell you something about these 'wines'...."

Upon hearing the Cicadia's words, Porckie's toes started to curl and his armpits became sweaty...

"Ignore the bug-thingy... all drinks are on me!"

Upon this, Chioro let out a high-pitched wailing noise.

"I will not be silenced! This dwarf was our guest a few weeks ago. We welcomed him as we Cicadia's do with all our guests: we danced for him, collectively carressed his kneecaps and introduced him to..to our Queeen!"

Porckie backed away from his friends who listened intently at the Cicadia's words. It was true: he had visitied the Cicadia's prior to reinstating the Alehouse. At the time, he was looking for beverages, since the nearby brewers had refused to give him any beer or wine, due to fraud with his liquor license. The dwarf grumbled: he had been sure that he crossed out "ice" quite effectively...

"Meeting our Queen is no mere treat for guests of the Cicadia. But since this Dwarf was our 1 millionest visitor, we allowed him a great honour: he suckled our Queen's middle ti-"

Porckie coughed loudly and, once again, took a few steps nearer to the door.

"And then..and then... this DWARF got out his bottles and his axe. And he cut off all three of our Queen's nippl-"

The dwarf, still backing away, accidentally hit his head against the coatrack...

"...he then filled his bottles. We of the cicadia's are a peacefull people and, faced with this violent and cruel act, were simply too gobsmacked to react and...before we knew it....the DWARF had disappeared! But now I am back, to retrieve the fluids in his bottles. For it does not only contain the purest form of Cicadi'a-blood, it also contains the liquid which nurtures our Cicadia-larves! Entire generations of Cicadia's depend on my mission. Will you help me?"

His drinking scheme exposed, the dwarf had now reached the door and made himself ready to flee, when suddenly the door flung open....

"Where's that dwarf who stole my collection of urinesamples!?! How am I to tell which of my cows are pregnant now!?"

"Eee!'

*CRASH*

A shreek, a jump and a shattered window later, Porckie was outside and making a run for it.


Wed Mar 11, 2009 6:29 pm
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Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"Urine... samples?"

Toph's eyes darted to the half-drunken glass of wine Porckie had poured him in the moments of quiet after the Duck and Demoness incident. Porckie had said it was a "special brew" from an "unusual proprietor". And it *had* tasted odd, but Toph had decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and see if he warmed to the taste as the day went on.

"Urine... Samples... Err..."

Toph's stomach began to roil, threatening to release its contents. He started heading for the bathroom.

"What all of you seek is in the..." Toph gagged, took a deep breath and continued, "Wine... Bottles..."

Ack! Toph broke out in a full run for the bathroom door, arriving inside just in time for his stomach to win its argument with his mind...

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The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Wed May 06, 2009 12:15 pm
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