It is currently Sat Nov 18, 2017 8:47 am




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 48 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
 RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP) 
Author Message
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Wellll, seeing as OAFS was mostly an RP guild, who enjoyed a good round of fun (and alliteration), here is one of those nice threads we used to call a pub-thread. Does anyone notice a motive from "The Song of the Ancient Mariner" here? Yes, sir! This is literature in the making, this is. Needless to say, this thread is open for everyone.

IC:
Ripples flowed as the crumbs hit the watery and duckfilled surface. Every once in a while, one of the aquatic birds managed to fill his beak with one of the tasty projectiles. Hopefull quacking would turn to joyfull smacking as saliva gushed down the animal's beak, starting one of life's vital neccesity: a duck's highly insanitory digestion. Wether this crumb, in the same or maybe another state, would ever see the daylight again is to be doubted, as the duck in question toppled over after consuming it...

" This lead-bread-tossing is great! "

A bread-tossing dwarf on a sunday morning, in a particulairly good mood, was sitting on a bench in front of the duck-pond; Porckie grinned as he took another lead pellet and stuffed it inside a floury concoction...

" Great fun, yet..seeing those ducks drown makes my throat a little dry... "

He nodded to himself and left the wooden bench and stumbled towards the nearby Inn. The walls erected by his own hands, the floors laid by his own feet, most of the bottles filled with his own...

*BOINK*

Out of nowhere, and without any apparent reason, a dead albatross landed on Porckie's head. Things dazzled in front of his eyes for a moment, but he soon grabbed his balance. He took the albatross in his left hand and walked towards the Inn. Above the door was a big sign that said "Aroused Anglers' Alehouse"; the dwarf smiled and entered the inn...

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Sun Oct 05, 2008 3:17 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
On a marvellous morning, a feisty fisherman sat silently by a stream.
His ravishing rod pointed proudly to the sunny sky.
Depressingly devoid of a codfish caught, he could but grudgingly enjoy the exceptionally relaxing rays of the shining sun.

“Oh, cock! If I stay here for much longer, I’ll have caught nothing but sunburns!“, Nagash exclaimed, “I’m getting out of here.”
He stood up and yawned. Pretty though this day might be, not catching anything tended to put him in the same sour state of mind as a bonobo who hadn’t humped anything for a week, or a constipated elephant. Angrily he grabbed his rod and took a firm grip on it. His features then softened and he started stroking the shaft. That relaxed him, and he grunted with pleasure. He decided to move on to a better place and find something to dip his rod in. The mere thought of finding new waters to poke his rod into delighted him and he squealed in anticipation.

Feeling much better already, he gathered his stuff and made his way upstream. After a refreshing walk of a few miles, a group of beavers caught his eye. He stopped and smiled, for he quite adored beavers. Ever since a beaver had nibbled his rod, climbed it and slid down time and again, he was quite enamoured with the furry little things. Something struck him as strange though: there was a rather large amount of dead ducks stuck in the dam.
Amiably he gently poked a few of the beavers with his rod, before giving it to them so they could play with it for a while. He then climbed the dam and made his way towards the ducks. The stream had caught them, but what had caused this duckicide?
He squatted and reached out for one of the dead ducks. As he lifted it, it turned out to be quite heavy. Holding it upside down by its feet, water was streaming out of it. Yet even when there seemed to be no more water in it, it was still quite heavy. Nagash shrugged and counted his blessings, for they smelled quite fresh, he was quite hungry by now and there was no fish to be caught in these bogforsaken waters. So he picked up two more ducks, let the water stream out and roasted them above a fire.

When he cut up the first duck, small balls fell out of it to the ground. Two additional cut up ducks confirmed that this was most likely the cause of death. The ducks had eaten lead balls, drowned and dragged to the dam by the stream. Quickly Nagash retrieved his rod from the playful beavers and he stuck a heroic pose. He’d find this evil duck killer and slay him! Or, if making the ducks eat lead balls would prove to be rather amusing, he’d go on and kill some ducks himself. Too many of the bloody beasts anyway.

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Mon Oct 06, 2008 7:43 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
*BOINK*

Barstools laid scattered around the pub's floor, the walls were affected by a plethora of beak-shaped dents and the sturdy bar had become smothered with a mixture of sticky liquids, fragments of glass and white feathers...

"Weeeee!"

From the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse a symphony of sound arose, composed of the screams of a happy dwarf, accompanied by series of dull thuds...

"Woohoo! This game of toss-the-albatross is great! I am a real tosser, I am!"

*BOINK*

With a loud thud, the raunchy remains of the albatross smacked beak-first into the northern wall of the pub. The birdy body drilled itself inside the wall, right below a set of perky melons hanging by a nail, an old war-trophy. Beating his own chest in celebration of yet another great toss, Porckie grinned at the albatross, when suddenly his nostrils were set a flaring.

"Snifff..what smell be this? This sure smells like chickensoup! Could it be?"

Opening his nostrils manually to get a better sniff at the smell, Porckie soon remembered the only possible source of this eery air...

"There is but one person whose underpants smell of this concoction! Naggie-poo!!"

the dwarf jolted and skedaddled towards one of the pub's windows and took a good peek. His eyes feasted upon the daemon: that smell, that composture, that ribble-ended rod, there was no mistake, this was his very own Naggie-poo!

Rather than hurrying out and rub Nagash's kneecap, as he would normally have done, the dwarf's face slipt into a mischievous grin.


"Ooo yes..it is time for a true Porckie-pun!"

With the decisive look of a constipated elephant heading for a nearby bowl of watery pea soup, Porckie marched towards the crippled carcass of the albatross. With a single pull, he removed the albatross from the wall and stuck his hand down the bird's beak. Soon after, he started pulling out what appeared to be a set of deflated albatross-lungs, followed by a worm-filled stomach. Consequently, he removed not two but four sets of kidneys and then appeared to grab hold of something particularly sturdy...

"Oh, damn you intestines! You are so full of shit! Get out of there!!"

As the intestines finally let go, the dwarf toppled backwards and soon found himself covered in a mass of organflesh. After freeing himself from the lavatorious labyrinth, the dwarf licked his lips and slobbered down his gooey fingers and grabbed the albatross remains once more. The albatross body had now turned into an empty feather sout with stalky legs and a beak. In one incredible effort, the little dwarf managed to squeeze his body into that which remained of the watery fowl. A few seconds later, the dwarf was totally enveloped by the carcass-coat. His beard recided in the bird's beak, the excavated skull of the albatross acted as his helmet and, by wiggling his arms about, he was able to move the wings...

"Ooo..he will be scared out of his wits! If he has gained any that is!"

Making some uneasy steps towards the door, the dwarf dressed as an albatross silently went outside and crawled towards the bushes. Approaching the daemon, still practicing his heroic stance, Porckie crawled nearer, unnoticed. Then suddenly, the albatross-wearing dwarf leapt out and made some spooky noises.

"Boooooo! Boooo! I am the ghost of your deceased grandmother! I have come to haunt you as a punsihment for your recent...er..."

Not knowing quite what to say, Porckie tried scratching his chin inside the albatross. Unwittingly, his elbow pushed down on something soft, fleshy and awkwardly swollen...

*Psssshhh*

"Oh poo" , Porckie murmured to himself as he heard the tinkling noise and felt a hot stream of liquid gushing out from between the albatross' legs ,"I knew I forgot to remove something..."

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Mon Oct 06, 2008 5:00 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Armed with his rod and a dead duck he made his way further upstream. To kill the time, he was singing songs loudly in a deep baritone voice, which scared about everything which had eardrums and was within a mile distance from him. Though Nagash’s voice wasn’t unpleasant in itself, he sang so loudly that covering your ears or stuffing them with parsley wouldn’t nearly ban the sound out.

Overhead the albatross hangs motionless upon the air
And deep beneath the rolling waves in labyrinths of coral caves
The echo of a distant tide
Comes willowing across the sand
And everything is green and submarine
And no one showed us to the land
And no one knows the wheres or whys
But something stirs and
Something tries
And starts to climb towards the light
Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand the best I can
And no one calls us to the land
And no one crosses there alive
And no one speaks
And no one tries
And no one flies around the sun
And now this is the day you fall
Upon my waking eyes
Inviting and inciting me to rise
And through the window in the wall
Comes streaming in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning
And no one sings me lullabies
And no one makes me close my eyes
So I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky


He really quite liked this particular song, so when the echoes had died down and the birds were carefully returning to the nearby treetops he decided to sing the same song again, only this time slightly louder.

“OVERHEAD THE ALBATROSS HANGS MOTIONLESS UPON THE AIR,” he ‘sang’ at the top of his voice, only to stop dead in his tracks, because the albatross might have heard him. Only it was not hanging motionless upon the air, but was standing right in front of him, having leapt out of a building which looked kind of familiar. “Boooooo! Boooo! I am the ghost of your deceased grandmother! I have come to haunt you as a punishment for your recent...er...”, it yelled. Quite taken aback, Nagash could but but answer the thing’s unfinished exclamation.

“My diseased grandmother? So the cranky old bat died after all eh? Well, good riddance! I never liked you and your stupid fortune cookies and your disgusting wet granny kisses and your... your...”. He wanted to add much more to that, for he really loathed the diseased bitch. However, the albatross then wet itself. How she had turned into this bird he did not know, not why the pungent stench of intestines hung around it. But dying hadn’t solved her incontinence, obviously.

“Haunt me, will you? I will not be haunted by smelly incontinent grandma’s turned into a foul fowl! Fear the wrath of my rod, you wretch!”

He leaped backwards and grabbed his rod. It did not turn out as heroic as he had hoped it would though, for he tripped over another dead duck which was laden with lead.

“Oh, cock...”

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:48 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Quoting popular music, eh? I spot 'Echoes' by Pink Floid. Weell, two can play that game...

IC:
Porckie grinned excessively: his plan had worked! Towering over the daemon, who had tripped over one of the lead-filled ducklings, the dwarf dressed as an albatross started a peculiar dance. Waving his wings from left to right simultaneously, he started to tapdance on the daemon's belly.

"Booo! Boo!! Yes yes, my...fortunecookies...yes... I am haunting you because you can't keep your hands, your hands, your, your, your, can't keep your hands, your hands your hands out the cookie jar! Boo!"

Porckie beat his own chest in a victorious mood: that had sounded very convincing and ghostlike! Unwittingly, he had once again pressed the albatross' blatter. Ignoring the golden rain flowing from his feathery suit, Porckie thought of something to say to add to the realism of his ghostly guise...

" Boo!! I almost forgot...my name starts with a K or B and probably has a vowel in it! Boooooo!"

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:18 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:21 pm
Posts: 5
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Me sowwy, naggie-poo :P

IC:
"Beware the white wings threatening the fruit of your loins' loins' fruit"

The aged daemoness read the slip from the fortunecookie over and over again, as she pushed the wheels of her wheelchair. The wrinkles started flowing on her forehead, she scratched her diaper and rearranged her naked wrangled out boobies.

" My poor Nagashael-Fitzpatrick is in dire need of my help! I just know it, the fortunecookie tells me so!"

A single tear drippled down the fleshy bags under her eyes and she set her single tooth on her underlip, whistling an anxious lullaby. Folowing his footprints, accompanied by the markings of his special rod, She knew she was hot on his trace...

"Granny is coming for you, Nagashael-Fitzpatrick! I am coming!!"

Her flabby face turned to a frown as she remembered how long ago it was that she had the pleasure of uttering those last three words. Just before the thought of her grandson putting his fishing rod to good use for a change, her lazy eye spotted a distressful sight. There was her Nagashael-Fitzpatrick lying helpless on the ground, while a dancing seabird was urinating on his chin!

"Noooo! leave my grandson aloooneee!!"

In the heat of the moment, Methusalai jumped up from her wheelchair and took a gigantic swing at the albatross' head with her trusty umbrella. Unsure whether the blow had yielded the desired result, she was suddenly reminded of the arthritis which had been chewing away at her knees for the last few decades, as she fell face down on the body of her felled grandson. Looking up at his face, Methusalai couldn't help pinching his cheeks and smothering his face with one big granny kiss....

"Ooo Nagashael-Fitzpatrick, have you missed your granny-whanny?"


Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:43 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
The dwarf, still dressed as an albatross, wiggled his eyebrows in confusion. One moment he was dancing around Nagash´ body, when suddenly everything had turned black before his eyes. As he came to, he felt a sharp pang in the back of his head and saw something purple and rimpled making out with the fallen daemon. As he took a closer look, he couldn´t help but getting aroused by the scene: this new creature, who, judging by the sheer length of the naked boobies raped around her waist, was obviously feminine, was smothering Nagash' face with two, big sloppy lips, irrespective of the puddles of poultry-piss covering the daemon's chin...

"Hmff..Naggie-poo always gets all the girls...lucky sod!"

Porckie coughed, perhaps he had mumbled too loud. It was time to pick up his ghostly act again:

"Heloo, boohoo! Ghost of dead grandmother here, can I have your attention, please!? Boooo! To repay your debt to me, I want you to rub my ghostly feed with scented oils! Booooo!!"

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Thu Oct 09, 2008 5:29 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 335
Location: CA
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Every once in a while, Toph liked to go visit the peculiar place that was the Alehouse. While its drinks were horrendous and its conversation... crude. It always felt like home for some bizzare reason.

The easiest way to find the alehouse was to follow the large, fish-laden river from his keep in the woods until you reached your destination. This usually gave him a nice calming walk, but today... that was not the case. A... deformed albatross had just raced across the path ahead of him without noticing him, and from the commotion that was coming from up ahead, had run afowl- Toph chuckled to himself- of... something. Being a curious sort, Toph went to go see what was going on.

Moments later, Toph was rolling on the ground, trying his hardest not to burst out into laughter and be heard by the people in the clearing just ahead of him. As it was, occasional giggles still escaped his mouth. The sight of Nagash, the albatross and... the... something or another was just too much to take.

Toph hoped no albatrosses were coming after him!

_________________
~OAFS' Resident Sidhe Mage~
The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:15 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Still lying helplessly on his back, the ghostly albatross apparition started to dance around him whilst urinating profusely. As Nagash was struggling to get on his feet again, suddenly an umbrella appeared, a thudding sound could be heard as it hit the albatross upside the head and the bird fell face down on the ground. Pushing himself to his feet, he found himself forced on his back once again. A disgustingly familiar moistness enveloped him. A shaky old crone’s voice made it clear why the moistness felt so familiar: "Ooo Nagashael-Fitzpatrick, have you missed your granny-whanny?". He had missed her indeed, like one missed the agony in the chest after being bitten by a viper once recovered. Like Tantalus would miss hunger and thirst.

This was his diseased grandmother Methusalai. Methusalai Uriella Fanny Francine, which Nagash liked to abbreviate to “Muff”. He took hold of her shoulders and tried to wrestle himself from the old bitch’s iron grip and the saggy boobies which were dangling in front of his face when she wasn’t applying wet kisses to his face, which was now not only covered in albatross urine, but also in the drool of the old demoness.

”Muff, get off me! Bugger off with those…”, a pause to dodge another wet smooch in which he’d have drowned, ”MUFF, JUST GET OFF ME!”, he screamed. She paused and he took the opportunity to shove her backwards, jump up and recover his rod. He pointed his rod in her face, and then turned to the albatross.

”If she is here, then who are you?”, he said. The he saw someone standing behind the albatross and yelled, ”TOPHEH!”.

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Fri Oct 10, 2008 4:33 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Like a dungbeetle confronted with the excrements of a certain gray land mammal, after its long period of constipation, Porckie gulped. It appeared that there would be no foot-rubbing today and that his infamous Porckie-pun had run amiss. Nagash was trying to shove his rod into his face and behind the daemon, the allruing creature, which appeared to be Nagash' real grandmother, was crawling up and grabbing for her umbrella.

"Eeeee!!"

Turning swiftly on his heels, the dwarf, dressed as an albatross, wanted to make a run for it. Just as he was flailing his arms about in attempt to pick up speed, he noticed that he was about to run into the figure of the approaching Toph. In blind run-of-the-mill panic, he made another swift turn...

*BOINK*

His attempt to give the other a good run for their money came to a sudden end, enforced by the presence of a tree.

"Hmmf..mm..rwwff..irrff..."

Flapping his wings wildly, it appears he had ran out of words...

"HMMMF..MM..RWWF...IRFFF!!!"

This inability of running off at the mouth, was caused by the fact that his beak had ran itself firmly into the trunk of the tree. Trying desperately to get himself free from the sticky bark, the dwarf began to sweat: in the short run, he'd have to run the gauntlet, without being able to run his situation up the flagpole! Just as the consequences for his own flagpole crossed his mind, Porckie accidentally set off the albatross-bladder again...

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Sat Oct 11, 2008 4:58 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:21 pm
Posts: 5
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"MUFF! JUST GET OFF ME!"

With her feelings crushed, her knees twisted and her nipples slightly erect, Methusalai crawled back on her feet, only to be confronted with Nagash' rod. Just as she was about to give in to the twitching feeling below and put the rod to good use, her grandson, to her utter disappointment, turned his fishing-gear away to confront the albatross and greeted a friend, who was at present rolling on the ground...

"TOPHEH!"

From the corner of her eye, Methusalai took the new arrival in: those broad shoulders, that perky nose, that wobbling earlobe, this must have been the one her hare-o-scope had talked about! To make sure, she crawled back to her wheelchair and started rummaging through her belongings. Seconds later, she was holding what appeared to be a bunny with oversized ears and forced it to talk by pressing its navel with a golden spoon...

"The stars' influence on us below,
The future, that's what I want to know!
Will my day be filled with woe or glee?
Will I find love, earn money or pee?
Find new friends, more stress or an idea?
Perhaps I'll even suffer from diarrhoea
As you see, life's but a slippery slope
So please enlighten me, oh, hare-o-scope!"


Following her chant, the bunny began to wiggle his ears and started to speak in a creaky voice...

"Today, you will meet your true love."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Methusalai let out a soft giggle and pushed her wheelchair in motion. Ignoring the albatross which had run itself beak-first into a tree, she rolled towards the one called Topheh. As she reached his side, she held him a pot of some sort...

"Say, big boy, do you want to get your hand in my cookie-jar?"

Smooching the air with her big, red lips, the aged daemonness pinched Topheh's buttocks.


Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:34 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Things were looking up again. Muff had been deflected and now the albatross had pinned himself to a tree. He’d rip the thing’s head off and put it on the tip of his rod as a trophy before greeting Toph in a more appropriate way. Dramatically he walked over to the albatross.

“You’re mine now, you bloody bird…”, he said. He flexed his muscles, took a firmer grip on his rod and started to hum a tune to increase the tension. Standing a few paces away from the bird now, he noticed the beast’s bladder going off again. Good, so it was scared. His eyes narrowed and he took a step forward as he swung his rod at the bird’s head. The head was cut off cleanly and it flew through the air, landing in Topheh’s face. The beak was still stuck in the tree, but the body fell down on the ground. Glancing down at the carcass, he noticed a familiar beard sticking out from the bird’s neck.

“That… No, that can’t be!”, he muttered, the triumphant grin suddenly wiped from his face. As he bent over and took hold of a hair to pull it out in order to find out whether or not he could use it as a toothpick (just to be sure), he heard something very distressing though: "Say, big boy, do you want to get your hand in my cookie-jar?"

He stiffened and straightened, therewith successfully pulling the hair out. Fortunately for him, Muff wasn’t offering her cookie jar to him. For Topheh, things were more dangerous though. The old woman rolled to the poor Topheh and offered him his cookie jar whilst pinching his buttocks. For Nagash, there was no choice but to pick his teeth with the beard hair in horror.

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Wed Oct 15, 2008 8:40 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 36
Location: purgatory, but closer to hell
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
occ: wb oafs

Wandering in from the cold north, bandit sees a favorite and familiar sight. Triple A pub is back in business. give me an order of fried cucumbers, and a malt ale. By the way, leave my lucky rod alone!!

_________________
_Nagash_ wrote:
The meaning of life is, make the road to death one big party. ;-)

RIP Dark Wolf, you will be missed my friend.
Crabs are a delicacy, but not when in your pants.


Wed Oct 15, 2008 6:23 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Short posts, eh? Two can play at that game...Sorry folks :)

IC:
"Oi! Give me back my beard!"

Dropping his decapitated disguise, the dwarf, who now looked like a little beardless elf, jumped out of the albatross-carcass and ran towards Nagash, who appeared to be nibbling on his beard!

"You beard-stealing bastard!"

Wiggling his eyebrows a bit, he planted his foot straight in the daemon's don quichotes.

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Thu Oct 16, 2008 4:37 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:41 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
With every acre used as an open sewage, being a plumber in Tonan was no easy task. For Joe, in particular, life had taken a hard course. Fled from his homeland, he was now forced to wander around in search for torn toilets, dripping drains and leaking lavatories....

"I should never have listened to that white-haired sage and his proficies of 'that one'! I don't know what kind of monsters these 'teckz-poo-leeceez' are, but I bet they couldn't make my life worse than it is now..."

Joe sighed a plumber's sigh and puffed a plumber's puff, as he approached what appeared to be an establishment of some sort. Nearly tripping over a couple of dead ducks, Joe entered the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse.

"Excuse me? Are you the owner of this tacky tavern?"

Silence followed. The shifty character Joe had adressed did not seem to notice him and appeared to order an imaginary bartender for a cucumber and some malt ale. Joe shrugged and walked out, thinking to himself the pub might better be called Aroused Angler's Asylum. As he turned left, he walked into a sight, which aroused a similar strain of thought.

In front of him were four creatures, one of which he could clearly identify as an albatross. At present, the albatross was eerily dancing and urinating around a daemon, who was lying flat out on the ground. Out of nowhere, a purple-skinned, wrinkled and umbrella-wielding daemon apeared who hit albatross on the head and began to smother the other daemon with kisses. The other daemon did not seem to appreciate this and threw the purple, wrinled one out of the way and threatened the albatross, urinating once more, with his fishing rod. At the same time, the daemon also greeted a fourth character. This character did not seem to respond and the albatross started to panic and ran itself in a tree. The big, male daemon approached the albatross, now tightly stuck to the tree with its beak, and thwacked his head straight off. Meanwhile, the purple-wrinkled daemon had crawled towards a wheelchair and had consulted some sort of rabbit before approaching the fourth, silent character and offering him some sort of jar. To make things even more confusing, a little, bloody dwarf had now jumped out of the remains of the albatross and kicked the male daemon in the genitalia...

Remembering the odd character at the bar, Joe decided that one of these strange people must be the owner of yonder alehouse. He coughed politely and started dancing happily and sang to a funky beat, made by the tsound of his tools clanging against each other:

" Yeah, yeah, yeah! Come on! When there is poo!
Ooo, oooo...When there is poo in the loo!
Yeah, yeah....when there is poo in the loo!
Poo in the loo and it won't go shoo!
Ooo, ooo, oooo....what on earth can you do?
With all that poo that won't go shoo?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...the floor it will imbue!
Ooo...With every meal it will accrue!
Yeah, yeah...In it, you might lose a shoe!
Ooo, ooo, yeah, yeah...all of this is true
But! But! But I am here to help you!
Ooo, ooo, yeah, teah.... and my name is Joeeeeee!!"


Sat Oct 18, 2008 4:34 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
As he stood picking his teeth with Porckie’s beard hair while waiting for the cookie jar to unfold itself as an ancient, wrinkled, saggy and moist version of Pandora’s Box, he suddenly felt an excruciating pain between his legs. He grabbed his crown jewels and sank to his knees, only to find himself eye to eye with Porckie.

“Porckie’s back! And Santa’s not the only one with a red sack!”, he grunted through his teeth, which were still fixed in a grimace of pain. He shivered, let go of his crotch and carefully stood up. Just then, a new guy started singing a song about poo in the loo. The song had a nice tune, and the man’s tools were pleasantly clinging together. He turned his back to the horrifying scene which was about to unfold along with the cookie jar and carefully walked over to the new guy.

“Great song, mister…? I must recommend that you make poo in the loo which won’t go shoo go KABOO though. The name’s Nagash and the guy who just kicked me in the nadgers is Porckie. If I were you, I’d stay away from the other two and not look their way either. Unless you fancy gagging grannies that is.
Speaking of which…”
, he turned to Porckie, ”We must stop that daft old bat before Topheh gets to face more granny than he can handle!”

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Mon Oct 20, 2008 3:50 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 335
Location: CA
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Toph cursed to himself as Nagash spotted him... now he'd have to explain what he was doing sneaking around watching his friends get in trouble. He decided that levity might be the best course of action.

"Your name is Nagashel-Fitzpatrick? I dont believe you'll ever live that down, Nagash... just wai-"

Toph cut off as he noticed the demoness grabbing what appeared to be a rabbit out of its... chair. Confused, Toph turned to watch what was happening. The demoness muttered something, and suddenly the bunny croaked out "Today you will meet your true love"

The demoness was obviously happy... but Toph's heart sank as it became clear that the demoness thought that her true love was none other than himself. The demoness wheeled over and offered Toph a cookie. Toph blinked, thinking about the intelligence of taking a cookie from a demon, and then noticed the demoness' hand start to move. Toph concentrated, and smiled slightly when the demoness made a yelping sound and drew her hand away... forcefields could be useful.

"Take a cookie? But I dont even know your name, and I know that taking cookies from strangers is a bad idea.

I once had a friend... lets call him Imlial. Imlial was a good sort, but he had the bad habit of getting into the... wrong things, if you know what I mean. He especially loved cookies... cookies of all forms and sizes and shapes and colors and consistancies and... well, you get the idea. Some admired him for his wide experience with cookies, but in the end, it was his downfall.

You see, he met a demoness who offered him a cookie... her name was... Methusalai, I believe... But this cookie was cursed, and left him with a wasting disease that sapped his life's essence and destroyed him. No one thought well of his cookie experiences then.

So, no... demoness-whose-name-I-do-not-know, I will pass on your offer."


With that, Toph started stepping away from the demoness and towards Nagash, and what he presumed was safety...

_________________
~OAFS' Resident Sidhe Mage~
The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Mon Oct 20, 2008 4:49 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
The little dwarf caressed his own non-decapitated skull and rubbed his hairless chin; feeling like a true survivor, looking like a little kid. And there was nagash....still standing...and...

"Oh nooo!!"

Shock and horror could be read from Porckie's face and this was not because it was written there, nor did it have anything to do with the way he was wearing his underpants. Nagash had, unwittingly, swallowed his beloved beard!

Rubbing his chin even harder, Porckie began thinking of a solution when it suddenly cleared its throat and began to dance and sing. With the lyrics of 'Poo in the Loo' echoeing in his mind, the beardless dwarf approached the newcomer, who was presently speaking to Nagash, the beard-gobbling bastage. As he came closer, the latter turned to him and said something about Toph being buggered by some antique avian animality. Looking over to Toph, he saw no old bats, but was rather stunned by the long-boobed, bramble-skinned beauty the Tophmeister was talking to. Ignoring Nagash' remark therefore, Porckie returned to the matter at hand: he would regain his beard and, consequently, win the heart and mind of this strange strumpet...


"A plumber, eh? Well...I'm afraid that, at present, we do not have any poo in the loo. However, we do have a little issue of a beard in the bowels! To make matters more manifest: it is my beard and it resides in his bowels!"

With that, the little dwarf jumped at the daemon, janked its head backwards and forcefully opened up its mouth with his bare hands. Noticing Toph's approach from the corner of his eye, Porckie cried for help...

"Toph! Please help me open up Naggie-poo!"

With that, Porckie turned once more to the plumber...

"Will you please use your tools and retrieve my buccaneered beard. Or....given your prior experience, perhaps we should open the other gateway?"

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:50 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:21 pm
Posts: 5
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Despite the hindrance by the multitude of wrinkles on her forehead, Methusalai's eyebrows managed to wiggle. The name Imlail brought back moving memories, deranged dejavu's and furry flaskbacks. That fiery look in his eyes, those wobbly nostrils, those hairs on his back....how could she forget her 'impy' Imlail? He had gotten into her wrong thing alright! And she definitely sapped away his life's essences...

Amidst her attempts at lubricating her lips, the daemonness was forced to interrupt her titilating trip down memorylane. Some beardless gnome had jumped out of the albatross, kicked her Nagashael-Fitzpatrick in the man tonsils and was now, apparently, trying to open up her grandson's mouth to have a good feel at the throatal tonsils....

Brandishing her umbrella, she approached the three persons surrounding her grandson. As she came closer, she could not resist herself and tried pinching Toph's bum once more.


"Eeee!"


Wed Oct 22, 2008 4:06 pm
Profile
Teh Spam!
User avatar

Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2002 7:13 am
Posts: 471
Location: Swaffletown
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
"Swallowed your beard? Don't be ridiculous, you.........."

He swallowed the rest of his sentence much like he swallowed Porckie's beard as he saw the little fellow standing there beardless and demanding that the plumber and Toph took the beard out the hard way. He started grinning like a madman then and danced around Porckie while flailing his arms about and making silly movements with his tongue.

"Seems I swallowed Porckie's beard
That's something quite unheard
of, but have no feard!

While there is no poo
So far in the loo
I really have to goo!

For I ate some bad duck
Which for you means the best of luck!

Be patient and pour yourself some eggnog
While I deposit your beard in the bog!"


He danced on and tugged Porckie's moustache, repeating the "beard in the bog" part endlessly. So that explained the tingly feeling he had felt in his throat after the stinging in his sack of the blow to his balls had ebbed. He could feel the beard go through his bowels, which was a splendid sensation. Seeing the rather evil looks on the faces of Porckie and the plumber fellow, he ended his dance and looked around him. Methusalai was touching up Topheh, and the building was behind them. He decided to make a run for it. He sprinted towards Toph and his granny, pushed the latter in the former's arms and kicked open the door. Once inside he saw but one person standing at a bar, which he immediately recognised: this was the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse! He certainly knew where to find the bog here, for he'd sat there for many hours. It was a nice and comfortable wooden throne with a hole in it. He dashed to it, pulled the door shut behind him, lowered his pants, sat down and relaxed. Sighing in relief and grunting from pleasure, he was showing the beard the way out of the bowels.

_________________
Honorary title: Verena's right nipple


Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:57 am
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 182
Location: Lands of MUR!
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Beard in the bog...pure genius :D

IC:
*PLOP*

The dwarf unplugged his ears and shook his head. Nagash's dancing and awkwardly high-pitched singing had been too much for him and forced him to put his index fingers in his ears, whilst pressing his eyes with his thumbs. Opening his eyes, he saw the daemon running off, giggling, towards the Aroused Anglers' Alehouse.

"Nooooooo!"

The last line of Nagash's aggravating anthem still echoed in his head, as he wiggled hsi eyebrows in disgust. Quickly, he grabbed hold of the plumberperson and ran after his cathartic chum.

"Quick mister plumberman, we must stop him!"

Pushing the plumber ahead, Porckie raced towards the alehouse, swirving past Toph, the lucky sod, who had been engulfed by the stretched out boobies belonging to the purple-skinned daemoness. They had reached the doorstep, nearly tumbled over it, passed the bar, accidentally bumped over the only guest and headed for the lavatory. As he saw he was heading for a closed door, Porckie came, trembling, to a full stop.

"Oh noo! He must be getting it out of his semi-colon now!! Comma' mister plumber! This is going to be a catapostrophe!"

Having run out of punctuation puns, Porckie started banging on the door with his fists...

" MUR!!! "

....soon a scent of roasted raspberries, stirfried sturgeonfroth and deep fried duck passed from underneath the door and entered his nasal cavity. Moments later, the door opened and Porckie and the plumber were confronted with a daemonic face, cut in two by a large mischievous grin. Immediately, the beardless dwarf saw the problem at hand: it was in fact in nagash' hand and it was called the flushing-handle.

"Nooo! Whatever you do, don't ...."

*FLUSH*

"...flush"

Porckie fell down on his knees and threw his hands on the toiletseat, as he saw the remnants of his beard being flushed down the lavy, amidst a multitude of turd-gravy. As soon as the odious ordure had dwirled down the drain, a loud smoochy sound could be heard. Porckie had no idea what could have caused this sudden sound, but the equally sudden appearance of a brown substance on his nose made it clear that, whatever had caused the sound, had also resulted in the return of the rectal refuge...

"Ahem, mister Plumber, sir? It appears we now have poo in the loo, which, by the looks of it, is not planning to go shoo!"

_________________
PoRcKiE
Writer's Corner Pick of the Week, 19-26 October 2002
Nuff said.


Fri Oct 24, 2008 5:06 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:41 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Naggie-poo, this post will include another pop-song conspiracy, in the category of Alphabeat's Masturbation.

IC:
Things had happened very fast. One moment Joe was pondering how to incorporate the line 'beard in the bog' into his 'poo in the loo'-song, the next he was being pushed towards the lavatory of the nearby alehouse. Joe scratched his head as he witnessed the grinning daemon flushing the toilet and the little person toppling forwards to get his nose brown...

"Ahem, mister Plumber, sir? It appears we now have poo in the loo, which, by the looks of it, is not planning to go shoo!"

Joe the Plumber continued to scratch his head as he was offered the plumbing-job by the beardless imp. The white wizard had told him that jobs would be hard to come by if the black one and his 'teckz-poo-leeceez' would rule the land. Despite the horrid smells erupting from the toilet, Joe therefore decided to take the job.

"Alright, sirrees, let me get my equipment out and I'll give whatever is clogging the bog a good seeing to!"

Seeing the surprised and somewhat hesitant look in the eyes of his newly-found employers, Joe showed them his sack and pulled out his equipment...

"This is standard plumber equipment, sirrees. Have a look."

Emptying his sack, he displayed an array of pointy sticks, suculent sponges and some sort of jellyfish. Finally, he pulled out two long hollow cylinders. The first was filled with mirrors and had two pieces of glass at each end and with a decissive look in his eye, Joe the plumber stuck one end down the lavatory.

"This, sirrees, we plumbers call the 'Lootube', it allows us to look inside a lavatory! Now I've put one end inside the lavy and I will now look through the other end. Ahh...I see, there appears to be something hairy in the drain. I will need to move in myself and remove the bog-clogging beard! "

With that, Joe pulled the jellyfish over his face, to protect his eyes from the oozing ordure, and inserted the other tube in his mouth and handed the other end to the daemon.

"Now, sir, if you would kindly blow some air into this tube, I will be able to breath under poo!"

As Joe lowered himself down the lavatory, the colour and temperature of the rectal refuge reminded him of an ancient plumber song:

"Golden brown,
texture like sun
Lays me down,
with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown,
with golden brown

Every time just like the last
On her ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown,
with golden brown

Golden brown,
finer temptress
Through the ages she's heading west
From far away
Stays for a day
Never a frown,
with golden brown!"


Sun Oct 26, 2008 5:44 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 07, 2008 4:21 pm
Posts: 5
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
OOC: Ah...4 line RP-posts, terrible. Yes. Or one could call it a form of art.

IC:
She was unsure whether it was some kind of magic spell or his utter hotness that had made her yelp each time she touched Toph´s buttocks. Whatever it was, she noted in relief, had not been activated when her grandson Nagashael Fitzpatrick had pushed her in Toph´s arms, the force of the blow causing her stretched out boobies to embrace the man´s shoulders.

"Oh my word! Is that another forcefield or are you just happy to see me?"


Mon Oct 27, 2008 5:08 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:41 pm
Posts: 3
Location: OAFS
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Looking down, Joe got a good look at the substance he was lowering himself into. Amidst the brown brew he could clearly see chunks of chocolate cheescake, an attempt at chickensoup, still in the cooking pot itself, a slobbery strawberry, feathers of duck and something which looked like a man with a taperecorder up his nose...

"Yessir, this is downright daemon doodoo! I am going in!"

With that, he fastened the jellyfish to his face and adjusted one end of his long tube in his mouth and raised his thumb to Nagash, hoping the daemon would keep to his promise and blow his horn. Just before his jellyfish-covered head disappeared own the toilet, he threw Porckie a piece of rope.

"Now remember, mister dwarf, when I pull this rope once, it means I will go up myself; if I pull this rope twice I need you to pull me out!"

The toilet had been deeper than he expected, but soon he reached the spot where the Lootube had shown him the beard which was clogging up the sewage system. Pulling fiercefully, Joe managed to unclog the toilet in an instant. Tieing the beard to the rope, Joe was ready to swim up, when suddenly he hurt an eery sound, much like a quack.

As he turned round, he saw a shimmery visage floating around the toilet. It looked like a duck, quacked like a duck, yet it did not walk like a duck, so he was not sure whether it actually was a duck. Another thing which made it rather unducklike, was it's ability to float through the cooking pot with chickensoup without moving it. And then there were the big metal chains, that were tied around his little wings....

"Quack!! I am the ghost of Dook McCoot! These shackles which torment me so, were formed with the lead pellets used to kill me and my fellow ducklings. We have come to avenge the bearded bastage responsible for our doughy demise! Quack!"


Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:20 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2002 5:00 pm
Posts: 335
Location: CA
Post Re: RP: The Aroused Anglers' Alehouse (OAFS, open RP)
Toph suddenly found himself in a very undesirable situation. Try as he might, he couldnt quite extricate himself from Methusalai's... err... it would be a stretch(toph groaned quietly in his head) to call it a bosom, but... well, that was the most reasonable term for it. This was a MOST undignified situation... how to work with this.

Toph cried out, his voice muffled. "I believe your grandson is in trouble, ma'am. perhaps you should go rescue him. Im sure he would be grateful, and if he's not grateful... well, he *should* be grateful, and isnt that just as good for grandmothers?"

Toph began shaking his head back and forth to try and get himself free, but continued to find himself stuck. He sighed, and contemplated his options...

_________________
~OAFS' Resident Sidhe Mage~
The "EpiToph of Faith" ~Nagash


Sat Nov 01, 2008 6:41 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 48 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.
Designed by Vjacheslav Trushkin for Free Forums/DivisionCore
Free Browser Based Strategy Game - Fantasy Authors, Books and Series