It is currently Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:23 am




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
 The Coming of the KNIGOSPEL (open) 
Author Message
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:38 pm
Posts: 5
Post The Coming of the KNIGOSPEL (open)
(ooc: open, but follow the rather lighthearted/Douglas Adams-ian theme as best you can with your character -- also, note that this isn't a "true" game guild)

Our tale begins Someplace Else. Where, or what, exactly, is Someplace Else, you might ask? Well, it is impossible to describe Someplace Else in terms other than relative ones, because then we would be describing some place, and not Someplace Else. We do know, however, that Someplace Else is not this place, for then it would be Someplace Here, and not Someplace Else, when it is, in fact, Someplace Else. In addition, we do know that it is somewhere over there *gestures in a general direction that leads elsewhere*.

Now that we have established this, we can move on to the point of the tale. It is in these lands that a group of royal lords came together and formed a bond. This bond was one borne of trust, friendship, mutual goals, and the fact that everyone owed everyone else a whole hell of a lot of coin and refused to let each other out of their sight. These lords, who were all moderately trained in the arts of war and horsemanship, formed a new order of Knighthood determined to bring glory to their land. Their land had never had glory before, because most outsiders tend to get lost while looking for Someplace Else. They tend to end up in some place every time. The wives of the Knights believe that this is most likely caused by the refusal of outsiders to ask for directions when they inevitably become lost.

But I digress. These brave men came together and formed an order that would probably never approach anything resembling legendary: the Knights of Someplace Else (KNIGOSPEL). Determined to spread the word of their lands to outsiders (and to escape from their wives, most of whom were threatening to divorce and take half of the lords' acreage), the Knights ventured forth, determined to spread the word of the KNIGOSPEL to the multitudes of people who really couldn't give a damn.



---------



Sir Loin was upset. This was the third time in as many nights that he had attempted to mingle with the common folk in the taverns. It was also the third time he was laughed out of the room once he gave his name. What exactly was the problem? In the wonderful lands of Someplace Else (where the grass was a whole hell of a lot greener), the Loin family was greatly and properly respected! Everyone knew who the Loins were, and took great care to not offend them. They were quick to anger, and wielded a lot of political force.

Unfortunately, Sir Loin found that this was not the case in these strange outsider lands. If they DID know who he was, they found him greatly amusing. If they did not, they were simply mocking him for reasons that escaped him. Muttering as he ate his steak dinner in the solace of his room, he decided it might be in his best interests to make up a name or something next time. Perhaps Herbert or Stan would meet with greater luck.

Suddenly, the door opened. The Knight looked up in surprise, not quite expecting anyone to be barging in at this hour.

_________________
§ir Loin
Adventurer Extraordinaire... or something.


Thu Oct 24, 2002 8:04 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:47 pm
Posts: 3
Post 
The rather round old Lord busted through the doors with the ferver that could only be accomplished by one his size. And in fact, even one his size would not have been able to accomplish it this night, for the old Lord was very upset. What was it these bloody townfolk found funny about his name? In the lands of Someplace Else, he was respected as a Lord, and no one snickered at the name Sir Cumference. In fact, only the largest of the Cumference family could be known as Sir Cumference. The nerve of these common folk! Knocking over three chairs as he began to walk up to the bar, he noticed people staring in his general direction. Perhaps they had never seen someone of such high esteem in their bar. Puffing out his chest to show his true girth, he stood with one hand inside his ruffled shirt, and at once announced, Lord and Ladies of these lands. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Sir Cumference!

~~~~

He had barely escaped the laughter of the bar that night. He still had yet to find what was so damned funny about his name. He had learned that a friend of his was staying in a nearby inn, so it was there he now strolled. Upon introducing himself to the Inn Lady, she also busted into a fit of laughter. He mumbled to himself, but was finally able to ascertain which room his friend was staying at.

Half way up the stairs, another inn-goer began to come down the stairs. However, when the two met, there was a rather large problem, for, you see, the obviously younger man could not squeeze past Sir Cumference, nor would he turn around and go back up the stairs. Finally, Sir Cumference had given in and walked back down the stairs to let the young man by, and now started the long walk back up the 5 stairs...

He found the room his friend was staying in. By this time, he was far from pleased, and barged right into the room.

Sir Loin, I hope you are having better luck than I! It seems my girth is rather intimidating to these outlanders!

_________________
Sir Cumference
The Faithful of KNIGOSPEL
Most Likely to Run Around in Circles


Thu Oct 24, 2002 8:18 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:38 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
Augh! For the love of my circulatory system, Cumference, don't be busting in here like that! You'll give me death and a heart attack! Or even a heart attack and death! And I'd say it's your smell that intimidates these outlanders, not your girth, man. Not to mention, you stink. Haven't you been able to find a washtub large enough yet?

Sir Loin rambled on beneath his breath, making even less sense, as he brushed the potatoes off his lap. Honestly, no one has any manners these days. People aren't very polite, either. Remembering suddenly Cumference's question, he sighed and shook his head.

Nay, these outlanders are as thickheaded as my uncle. And besides that, they're stupid. Why, every time I mention my name, the whole bunch of 'em suddenly start laughing. I wonder if, perhaps, there is another Loin family making an ass of itself? Perhaps we should seek out these wayward Loins and beat the mess out of them. Or, at least instruct them in sensible manners.

Sir Loin frowned as another thought occurred to him.

Or, perhaps it is because we are from Someplace Else, and have names that you'd normally hear in Someplace Else, but not names that are common in some place, such as this place. Why, if this place were Someplace Else, they would certainly understand. Of course, if it were Someplace Else, it would not be this place, and then we would not be here, because we are assuredly not Someplace Else. Regardless, we seem to be getting nowhere. Perhaps we are going about this all wrong. Mayhap we should find a way to make a name for ourselves? If we show that the KNIGOSPEL is real and powerful, perhaps then we will have less trouble.

_________________
§ir Loin
Adventurer Extraordinaire... or something.


Fri Oct 25, 2002 6:12 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:47 pm
Posts: 3
Post 
Sir Cumference stood for a moment before even beginning to ponder what Sir Loin had just put before him.

Stink? Intimidating?! That's impossible. Why, only the largest and stinkiest may be called Sir Cumference! And for you information, no, I have not found a tub large enough, nor do I wish to. It would damage my image, maybe not here, but Someplace Else.

He bent over, almost falling face first into the floor, but showing good balance for a man his size, and picked up the potatoes off the floor that Sir Loin had brushed off his lap and began munching on them.

Mmmm.... Good stuff...

As if reality slapped him in the face, he suddenly became aware of the fact that Sir Loin was looking at him with a look of utter contempt.

What? They were still good potatoes!

He finished them, then began again.

Make a name for ourselves, hmm...... He had his head bowed in deep thought, about how he seriously wanted to snatch the rest of the steak off of Sir Loin's plate, and man those potatoes looked good. Then, as if a light bulb went off, he continued.

Make a name for ourselves! I've got it! I'll be.... Ralph. And you can be Bob. Remember how long it's been since there Bob in Someplace Else?

He smiled, thinking he had truly accomplished something. He still licked his fingers trying to get that last bit of potatoes off of them.

_________________
Sir Cumference
The Faithful of KNIGOSPEL
Most Likely to Run Around in Circles


Fri Oct 25, 2002 7:24 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:38 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
The look of utter shock on Sir Loin's face quickly turned into one of contemplation as he tried to decide which method would be the most painful way of damaging Cumference without killing the stupid bastard. Loin grabbed Cumference's wrist and growled.

First off, I don't care if your image would be damaged Someplace Else, because like I just finished saying, we aren't Someplace Else, you farking retard, we're in some place!

Second, don't even think of touching my steak.

And third... no, forget it, you probably wouldn't understand at all if I tried to explain the name thing.

Look, let me just put it like this... we need to find some people of reknown, and either challenge them to combat, or join forces with them, or something, anything to get ourselves a reputation out here. We're not in Someplace Else, we're someplace else instead. Or... something. Either way, frequenting these small towns is gonna get us nowhere.

Rally the rest of the Knights. We're going!

_________________
§ir Loin
Adventurer Extraordinaire... or something.


Mon Oct 28, 2002 7:48 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:47 pm
Posts: 3
Post 
Sir Cumference stood in sheer shock. Never had Sir Loin spoken to him with such hostility in his voice. He wasn't even allowed to touch his steak? Well, his feelings were hurt now. He determined not to move until he had been apologized to.

He then realized in his intense moment of thought about the steak comment, he must have missed something else that Sir Loin had said. It seemed as if he were preparing to go somewhere.

Sir Loin, where are you going? I wasn't listening after you told me not to touch your steak!

It didn't appear that Sir Loin heard him, or else he heard him and just didn't pay a lick of attention. The large man stood, his arms crossed on his chest, or rather, his hands grasped on his chest since his arms weren't even long enough to actually be 'crossed' on his chest. He looked frantically around the room, trying to figure out what caused Sir Loin to become so adamant.

He then realized Sir Loin was across the room, and a nice morsel of his steak sat neatly on his fork, just waiting to be eaten. Sir Cumference took up the fork careful and inhaled the steak. He then went to put back down the fork though, and accidentally dropped it on the plate.

Oh no.

_________________
Sir Cumference
The Faithful of KNIGOSPEL
Most Likely to Run Around in Circles


Tue Oct 29, 2002 4:01 pm
Profile
Stablehand
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 10:38 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
And so it was that the lords of the KNIGOSPEL prepared themselves for the next stage in their not-so-grand quest. Gathering their belongings (all of which can be categorized as one of two basic types... Things and Other Stuff) and mounting their steeds (that is, horses), they left the small villages of the lands, seeking out lands of fame, reknown, and glory. Of course, it didn't quite happen as expected. Being that the Knights were from Someplace Else, they didn't have a clue where they were going, and they soon became lost.

North, South, East, West, in all combinations thereof, Up, Down, In, Out, and in a few directions previously uninvented, the Knights travelled. Though they met with many dangers, there were none to witness their deeds, and thus still no one had a clue in the hells who they were. On and on they searched, periodically asking for directions but rarely paying much attention while they were being explained.

Of course, any amount of random travelling will eventually lead you somewhere. Unless, of course, you're travelling in circles (or cycles) around a bunch of empty area, but in that case, it isn't very random, is it? Nevertheless, it shan't be long before the KNIGOSPEL reaches their first victims. Soon, one of the great empires of the land will have the unfortunate luck to have to put up with a large number of armed idiots begging for attention showing up at their doorsteps. Be wary, lords and ladies of the realm, for the owners of the lands of their next destination may very well be YOU!

_________________
§ir Loin
Adventurer Extraordinaire... or something.


Wed Oct 30, 2002 6:09 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.
Designed by Vjacheslav Trushkin for Free Forums/DivisionCore
Free Browser Based Strategy Game - Fantasy Authors, Books and Series