i'm very troubled

[Mickal Redwater]

I just read all this when i got back. We're here for you if you need us Owly. I know its hard, but you'll get through it. If you ever need to talk you can try to find me on one of the many chat programs(like g-chat or something).

I know how much it sucks to wake up with a tube down your throat (its the coming out that hurts). things will get better, and sometimes it's hard to forget the hurt, but its healthier to deal with it. Even just posting here... whenever you feel lonely just come on here and one of us will talk to you. It worked wonderfully for me a few years back, because even if i was depressed at 4 am, someone (usually MoP) was online to talk to.

[Venus]

hey i was online a couple of those times to talk to u to, i remember cause i was one of the few on that late mickal!:P

and owly, seriously, we are all here. just message if u want to talk. im on your facebook too remember. u have no idea how many people on here have talked to each other to get thru some really tough times
if not for a few people on this game, i wouldn't have made it thru my divorce . so dont be afraid to ask, u wont be bothering us and we are always here.

[owly]

Since i almost died everything seems a bit clearer i take in each day with more insight and appreciation. i sold my gun for 200 dollars i could of got more but i just wanted to get rid of it, because i might use it on myself if i ever get deep depression which i will. Thankyou every body for your kind words.

My best friend tried to kill himself too he jumped out his second story building he broke both his legs and he has no insurance so no docter will operate on him he needs iron pins in his legs......

[Nagash]

Good man. You're much better off without the gun. And if just talking to anyone of us helps, do so. But I strongly recommend you stop using pot now (immediately). The stuff only strenthens the mood you're in and at times causes psychosis. That's fine if you're a very happy and optimistic person (except when the psychosis kicks in, which I've seen happen), but disastrous if you are despressed or distressed to begin with.

[owly]

Pot lifts my spirit when i'm depressed like nothing else can. It accurately helps me my medz my doctor gives me don't work as well, i'd be in more trouble if i gave it up.

[Mickal Redwater]

I can believe that actually. My doctor talks about putting me on medicinal mar. if it becomes legal in AZ (never gonna happen), but if i move somewhere it is, she thinks it'll work well on me. Mostly cause my depression is highly linked to my anxiety.

But be smart with it.. know when it is good and when it isn't. ONLY you know that... and don't let it interfer with the choices you have to make.

I found that since i was so close to dying, that even though i still have thoughts of suicide, they are SO easily shaken. Because i know what it was like.. and i know that no matter how much pain i have, i can't do that again. For me, i thought of my father's face looking down on me when i regained conciousness, for you, i'm sure you must think of your child, and your friends.

You'll get through this! We're all here! if you wanna talk try my gmail: mpagano@asu.edu (gchat is what i'm on most) and i can tell you some of the things that got me through it.

[owly]

When my daughter found me laying on the bathroom floor she cried i don't ever want to make my daughter cry again. i wasn't passed out completely i could her her sobbing. i'm glad the doctors didn't keep me that would of made me more depressed. It took some fast talking to talk them out of keeping me. i'm depressed now but i don't think i'll try to take my life away again, i want you guys to know that Hatama isn't the bad one or evil one here it's my own damn fault she left me. And she told me there's a slim chance that she will take me back and that gives me hope for a better tomorrow..........

i like to thank you all for you advise and support some of you even pm'ed me your home numbers and told me to call if i really need to talk to someone. Again thankyou from the bottom of my heart........

end rant/

[Immigrant]

owly... serious man, I think you'll find ppl here & no doubt even more so in your world are pulling for you more than you know. wont bs you with fluff since nothing sone bud bruddah on this end types out will make the hurt go away much at all, but still sending only the good vibes your direction nonetheless - this too shall pass & such and good call ridding yourself of any needless temptation in trying times (like guns or (hard) drug cocktails). above all fwit, gotta remember how to love yourself man.. never a bad place to start

[owly]

i miss her so much it hurts deep down inside, i talk to her once a day but still she don't really confide to me anymore. And that's all so painful in itself. i'm half the man i used to be, my better half is gone it will take time to heal my wounds although my wounds will never heal completely. i have so much to say but i'll leave it at that........

[Nagash]

But in order to have a chance of winning her back for you, you should focus on getting yourself back on track. Shake off the shock and sadness and get things going for you. Become the man you'd want to be for her. Even if that's much easier said than done, you should at least try to. You owe that to yourself.

[Venus]

i miss her so much it hurts deep down inside,

owly weve ALL felt like that at one time or another. Ive only felt it once, but it was real. believe me. we all got thru it

when they say time heals all wounds, it sounds stupid, but its true in this case.. it wont ever go away completely. but you have to set the pain aside and live. she wont ever come back to someone who mopes around without her.

i guess i was lucky in that im cocky and wont ever let a man keep me down for long:><i knew that attitude had its uses!> you have to find yourself again. and then live for you.

[owly]

i am changing but i'm afriad it's to little to late. But i am becoming a better man for it though........

[owly]

just a update hatama found another guy before he was out of work and live in his grandma basement lol i can be wrong though maybe he get in shape and start working again. All i know is hatama is happy and that alls that matters in the end. Me i'm doing great getting all my bills paid and overall in a good mood i think i might of meetsome one lets see where that goes..........

Maybe Hatama is the evil one here long story though

[TEVA]

good luck Owly you can do it!

[Nagash]

Keep up the cheering up, mate!

[owly]

i'm in happer mood i realize me and yvette r over and i'm moving on with my life.......

[Portia]

Good, cus if you try to hurt yourself again, I'm gonna keeeeeeeeel you.

Glad you're doing better hon, and grats on getting a hold of the bills. I'm shocked to hear you two split, but it sounds like after a little rough patch you're doing well so that's happy.

Smoogles

[owly]

i'm going to vegas because i have family there unlike here in texas. i will always have a ticket back if she will have me back. Vegas should be fun i'll probably be there in 2 months..........

[MoP]

Glad to hear you're doing better, owly!

[owly]

thanks mop

i'll be in vegas in 2 months

i might not be around much but i'll be back